Perspective

This morning we had my follow up and things are looking good.  No signs of fluid (my lungs literally shifted in joy when we heard that), my estrogen level is back to normal which means we are transferring embryos in the next couple weeks!  Now that my brain can actually listen to the men in my life, I got the update from the doctor.  We've got loads of healthy little ones, in fact 2 are considered the Hermes of embryos.  So Fancy,  go us!  Although, a trip Hermes could cost the same price as these embryos did.  I do love those orange boxes, but I'll take the babies.

I've been home for 5 days now and it feels like I'm recovering from a loss.  Apparently I was very close to the 3 1/2 liters of fluid that was in my body.   I find myself going thru hilarious mood swings (I can call them hilarious now that they're over and I'm no longer crying).  

Day 1-2 at home: Terrified - How do people expect me to actually fall asleep?  For reals people, how am I supposed to convince my brain that I will wake up in the morning.  I've been told I was drowning and now they expect me to just lay down there without my 4 fabulous nurses checking on me constantly.  These people are just crazy. 

Day 2-3 at home: Happy - Dude, I'm just happy to be alive.  My husband gets to explain the fluid removal procedure to loads of people and it is pretty cool to hear after the fact.   Couple calls to my parents crying out of happiness that I can still say "I love you".  

Day 4 at home: Anger - Massive anger.  Overwhelming anger.  It all hit me at this one moment and it just took over me.  How could this have happened?  How did it go so far?  Dr. Google calmed me down.  That's when I found out I am the .01%.  You know, the "there is a .01% chance that you may have an astronomically horrible reaction to IVF and it will literally try to kill you" thing.  I then remember my doctor telling me that I am pretty much the worst case they have ever had at the clinic.  They have 1-2 patients a year deal with Hyper-Stimulation, but my case just happened to take that extra step.  Again, I'm just an overachiever. 

Day 5 at home: Chill - Doctors apt made me feel safe again, I've been hanging out with friends and enjoying life. I get tired easy so I took a nap and wrapped presents.  

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone.  Thank you for reading and I'm so happy I'm here to write these followups.  Cherish each other everyday.  Life can change in an instant.  

Battle Wounds

We thought things couldn't get worse...we were wrong.   I've placed my photo at the end of this posting for your sake.  I suggest that if you don't have a strong stomach, you do not look at it.  If you do, you're welcome. 

After having the fluid removed this past Wednesday we noticed I wasn't breathing very well.  Friday night started the nightmare of this weekend.  As I was going to sleep we noticed a crackling in my breathing.  Every time I took a breath in, we could hear a bubbling type noise.  My husband was so concerned he did not sleep all night.  He just stared at me and researched fluid issues on line with regards to Hyper Stimulation.  What he found was incredibly scary.  During that evening, Dr. Google (aka Hubby), had diagnosed that I had fluid in my lungs and that I was basically drowning.  He continually moved me all night and when I woke up we were off to the local doctor to get a chest X-ray.  They couldn't take us right away so we decided to get me out for a walk so I wasn't sitting anymore.  We went to the local farmers market, looking back, this is a little funny.  

After some painful pressing on my abdomen and a listen to my lungs I was brought to the X-ray machine. As we were walking out of the room after the technician had done the test, he said "I'll be able to make you a copy of this for the hospital in 15 mins."  We knew things did not go well.  Turns out there was fluid in there for sure.  Doctor handed us the X-rays and said "get to the ER now".  

The rest of this story gets very scary and it includes 3 days at the hospital but I will try to give it to you quick.  We get to the hospital (Cedar Sinai Medical Center - aka "that place that saved my life") and I'm brought right back to the room.   Luckily we have a guardian angel at this hospital because a good friend of ours is a doctor there and he has called ahead for us.  Blood is drawn and my D-dimer level is a whopping 5500.  This is an incredibly scary number mainly because if your level is 500 or above it causes huge alarm that there could be a blood clot somewhere.  My level is astronomical (you know me and my overachieving numbers) and at that point, I become an "important" patient.  Let me tell you, this is not a list you want to be on in an ER.  

The doctors and nurses went into action...a lot of movement most of which I do not remember.  A nurse looks me straight in the eyes and tells me I MUST keep calm because the last thing they want is my blood pumping harder.  This is a massive internal struggle as I have heard the words "pulmonary embolism" on TV and it is never ever a good thing.  In fact, this is usually what they kill actors off with.  

I'm brought in for a CT angiogram and after having a little trouble with getting the iodine thru my veins, the blood clot in my lung was ruled out.   They decided this is the perfect moment to let me know that blood clots are the silent killer in the ER, cue massive anxiety attack.  What I did have was pleural effusion, basically a fancy way of saying, I had fluids crushing my right lung.  At this point we are very happy that I am not going to die...little did I know...they had to get this fluid out of me.

Upstairs I go.  Over the next 3 days I'm watched carefully, blood thinners go in (I could still get a clot at this point and they want to take all precautions),  my legs get checked for clots carefully with an ultrasound, all good there....and then....they remove the fluid.  Let me start by saying that I am kept awake for this procedure. I never want to be awake for it ever again.  I'm sure there is some horrible video you can find on youtube that will show you what they do.  It includes a 3-4 inch needle that pokes thru my back into my lung cavity, and then things happen.... like some pumping to get the fluid out.  This made me feel like someone was stealing the gasoline out of my car, only this was my body, and the man behind me was the fluid whisperer.  (Side note: this doctor was amazing, probably the best guy in the nation at this specific procedure.  We stayed in the hospital an extra day to have this guy do it.)   My hubby, Dr. Google, was fascinated by this and took the picture below.  I look incredibly sad, don't you think?  Fluid out, tests come back normal, X-ray, I leave the hospital 9 hours after the procedure.  Battle wounds: hole in back, massive bruises from the 4 attempts at putting an IV in, 5th ones a charm, mentally deflated. 

The amazing news: we have 9 extremely healthy embryos chilling away on their Christmas vacation.  This was all worth it - I can say this now because I'm alive thanks to Dr. Google.

WARNING***WARNING***WARNING

Potential vomit inducing pic below...enjoy:)

The Good, The Bad, & The Bloated

The GOOD:  Retrieval surgery on Saturday went well....42 eggs, which is an amazing number.  The ideal number you want to get somewhere in the teens, so the fact that I had that many is really spectacular.  By Sunday 25 had become embryos and on Wednesday our new count was 20.  We'll find out today what our final number is.

The BAD:  Because I had so many eggs, my ovaries grew to be extremely large.  When they removed the eggs all that space filled up with fluid.  By Sunday I was in a massive amount of pain.  On Monday they had to cancel my embryo transfer because I was getting so sick which was a bit of a bummer but I was in so much pain that honestly I couldn't imagine doing the transfer at that point.  

The BLOATED:  I've gained about 6 pounds and my stomach is about 6 inches larger then normal....so I'm pretty bloated.  I don't remember much of Tuesday or Wednesday other then they put me on Vicodin so I'm pretty much slept and tried to find some sort of comfortable position.  Thursday we went back to the doctor at which point the fluid had moved into 5 sections of my abdomen, the last being my lung area.   At that point it was decided I needed to go back into surgery and have some fluid removed to relieve the pressure.  They took out 2 liters!!!  That's a big ol' soda bottle of fluid.  I'm finally eating and talking again which is making the hubby happy because he's just been terrified staring at me for 5 days straight.  Poor guy.  Still a little out of breath and there is still fluid in me, but things are much more manageable.  

Things may seem bad, but they are really ok.  We are so excited that we got embryos.  They will be frozen tomorrow and we'll do the transfer next cycle when I'm healthy again.  For now, I just rest, work on getting strong again, and somehow deal with the pain of having to suffer thru watching bad action movies that I've seen before.  Apparently the hubby has been trying to watch them all week and my subconscious just kept saying no.  The hubby would like to add that he suffered thru a lot of HGTV all week (honestly I know he liked it.  He's totally into House Hunters).

Trigger Happy

Day 14: No one tells you that the Novarel (aka trigger & HCG injection) is going to feel like its attacking you from the inside.  Barely slept last night because of massive cramping, and what I had convinced myself at 3am, a heart attack (aka heart burn, shouldn't have eaten that Red Baron pizza).  This is all normal folks.  The nurse said that these are normal side effects and that mine were just much worse because my numbers are so high.  It's all a trick, to get you to take the injection.  Those sneaky little honey badgers.  

Today I get no injections, I just get to sit back, relax and enjoy the cramping.  Our nurse called to prep us for the "procedure" and her prep notes were....

1. "no eating/drinking after 2am" - You know I'm gonna sit up until then eating 

cookies and drinking everything in sight.

2. "check in is at 11am" - Totally normal, we'll be there at 8am because I'm known as the early bird thats always there WAY too early.

3. "don't pee to much before I get there" - I'm nervous...in my world of bladder, if I have to pee I start the pee pee dance immediately....not sure how I'm going to withstand a 

30 minute drive in the car over bumps.

4. "wear warm socks" - Yes ladies & gentlemen...this is the MOST important note of them all.  I wonder if this includes Uggs.  Although, I'll be in such a happy place with all the meds that I'm sure I won't have any clue as to the temperature of my toes...I will be wearing warm socks.  No worries mom & dad, I follow directions. 

Harvest Time

Day 13:  Triggering tonight!  Surgery this Saturday.  It's time to gather the seeds people.  Hold on to your hats because its gonna be "raining eggs! hallelujah! - it's raining eggs! EGGS!"  The Doctor is feeling very optimistic about my numbers.  I've got more than 75 follicles.  They stopped counting yesterday and gave up.  A good amount of them will be empty, but we should get a really nice batch. 

I'm apparently an anomaly at the office.  Everyone knows my numbers, and everyone was asking how I was holding up today.  My blood guy said it was the most follicles he's ever heard of and he WORKS at one of the TOP fertility clinics in AMERICA!!!  

I'm feeling pretty full these days.  Moving slower and slower, and I've had a headache since last night that I'm pretty sure is gonna hang around for a few days.  But WHO CARES...I'm so fracking excited that they are going to be able to get these little guys out of me and make me babies.  Maybe I'll be able to convince him to put in 10 embryos....Just Kidding ;) ...maybe not. No, just kidding.

floating

Day 11: All we need is 1 egg, but my body seems to want to make 60 for some annoying reason.  Today we found out that I am reacting "too well" to the medicine and I had to be taken off.  My E2 (estrogen) level is at 7328 which just crazy and I am feeling it.  I imagine this is kind of what it feels like to be uncomfortable during pregnancy; my back is killing me, my stomach feels like a rock and I'm nauseous all the time.  

The doctor has put me in a "floating" state.  What this means is that I won't be injecting any more hormones but will continue my Cetrotide injection in order to halt my LH surge.  I'll be going to the doctor every day now because they have to watch me closely as I am on the verge of hyperstimulation.  We don't want this to happen, it is a BAD thing.  They are hoping that without the hormones my body will naturally lower my estrogen level.  Let's hope it does because they can't do the surgery until it goes down.  Stupid hormones.  

In our ultra sound this morning, the technician said that I had over 30 follicles in just my left ovary...she wouldn't even give me the count in my right.   I do love this woman though.  She has done most of my ultra sounds and she remembers me every time because I seem to always have the most follicles.  She gives me insight to what the doctor is going to most likely do with my treatment that day.  She has always been right so far.  She's brilliant. 

All I can do is continue to waddle around and wait for my body to do its thing.  Let's hope it moves a little quicker then I am at the moment.  

Going thru the motions

Not sure what to write these days.  I feel like its the same story over and over.  Needle in belly, blood test, ultra sound, results.  My belly is a battlefield of polka dots and bruises.   So here are a few quick notes from the past few days.

Day 7 Injections:  This is the evening we hit our first vain.  I didn't feel it, but the hubby sure did.  Little blood, large bump, hives...and a call to the emergency nurse line.  All was good, it was our first time giving me the Cetrotide injection and we were worried that I was having an allergic reaction because after hitting the vain I got an immediate hive that was about an inch in size.  The nurse said that it could be a reaction to the needle and to ice it.  We iced it for about 20 minutes and everything was fine.

Day 8: a blur of lots of TV and a trip to the grocery store and a 3 jabs to the belly.

Day 9: It's Sunday and the doctor's office was nice enough to give us a 7:15am appointment for a blood test and ultra sound.  I love waking up at 6am on a Sunday morning....its my favorite thing (cue enormous and dramatic sigh).  We were able to measure a lot of the follicles and some where measuring up to 16.   Nurse said it looks like 15 follicles are maturing very nicely which is a fantastic number.  You don't want to have too many, but you also don't want just a few.   My E2 level was over 2000.  I'm surprised I didn't cry.

One of my closest friends had an adorable baby a couple weeks ago, but because I was sick I wasn't able to meet him.  Today we finally got over there.  I think I spent a full hour just holding him!  Had to put some of that baby energy into my body...he is my baby Buddha.   

Say What?

Day 7:  Dear diary....I went to the doctors this morning for a blood test and ultra sound and found out that I am an Egg Making Machine!!!!  I've got 33 follicles in total.  18 in my right ovary and 15 in my left.  So I guess that means our parents better start saving up some cash for all these grandchildren!!! Just kidding, Gigi, Papa, and Grandma....I promise I won't be the next Octomom... or Triginta-tres-mom! 

Our appointment went something like this: sign in - wait - bloodtest - wait - ultra sound - "I'm sorry, how many are in there?!?!?!" - talk to our nurse about questions regarding paper work we received from the surgery center - meet with the billing person at our surgery center and spend $6,950 in about 2 minutes (Ouch) - meet with our doctor regarding genetic testing and clarify if we need assisted hatching (this may sound like I'm literally about to lay eggs but its a process where the technicians make an incision in the embryo to help with the attachment process to the uterus - currently not something we need to do since I'm only 33 and this is my first IVF) - talk to the surgical center nurse regarding our paperwork that needs to be signed before going into surgery next week - sign paperwork - call our parents in amazement of all these follicles!

All in all, it's been a great day.  My E2 level (aka estrogen level) is at 1641 which would explain why I started crying today watching the Hunger Games trailer (for the 6th time) and then cried again while watching "Last Man Standing" which embarrassingly enough (for many reasons) is a sitcom.  Someone needs to slap me back into reality.  Only other side effect I'm feeling are my rock hard ovaries.  Really feels like I'm carrying around some rocks in there. 

Surgery will be happening next week.  I start my Cetrotide injections this evening.  This drug is used to stop my LH surge from happening.  I'll have whats called a trigger shot the night before my surgery that will kick my system into action.